Conservapedia: A Cache of Comedic Genius

Conservapedia, for those of you who don't know, is a wiki dedicated to eliminating the liberal bias from reality. After finding that Wikipedia had a vendetta against Christianity, Andrew Schlafly and some students founded Conservapedia. Here, they could have a place to spout nonsense at one another, free from those nasty things called facts. Truly, it is a place that is totally free of any inkling of reality. I find that after any extended time reading articles there, I have the overwhelming urge to click my heels together and chant “There's no place like home”. Well, except, you know I wouldn't be going back to Kansas. I shudder at such a thought.

The articles, despite their apparent vapidness and being utterly out of touch with reality, are overwhelmingly hilarious. Sure you can go to places like Wikipedia if you want things like facts, figures, and a rational worldview. But, if you want offensive nonsense, that would only appeal to a partially lobotomized chimp, then Conservapedia is the place for you! After all, where else are you going to find serious commentary on AIDS, that refers to it as a “gay disease” and “gay cancer”? That is just to the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as inane rantings go. Their pages on Feminism, AIDS(a so called gay disease), Biblical Scientific Foreknowledge, and Liberal Denial are enough to make anyone with an IQ over that of your average ham sandwich, burst into furious fits of laughter.

It's hard for me to imagine anyone taking this kind of tripe seriously. Though, I am at a disadvantage, seeing as I haven't suffered any crippling head injuries or been wont to eat lead paint chips(delicious leaded candy, that neurotoxic family friendly treat). I do fear for anyone that does take absurdity like this as truth. If one were to give a wiki such as this, even one iota of credulity, I do believe they would be raving mad within a week.

Making fun of the intellectually impotent aside, this kind of thing is incredibly serious. Mankind has made some tremendous strides in past centuries. With the rise of reason and science, we have seen untold progress. Anton van Leeuwenhoek's microscope gave our first glimpses of the basic units of life. Galileo's telescope would give us the moons of Jupiter. Newton's theory of gravitation would eventually give us the moon landing, satellites, and exploration of the planets. These discoveries were more than just simple bits of knowledge gathered for scientists to play with. Our entire modern world is built on these things. Without the theory of Gravitation, we wouldn't have satellites in orbit(i.e. No GPS). Without the microscope, we probably wouldn't have germ theory, and we would still be at the mercy of pathogenic microbes(before there was Germ theory, disease was believed to be caused by demonic possessions).

There is very little in our modern world that isn't built off of the advances of some scientific endeavor. The CPU for your average computer wouldn't even exist without the understanding quantum mechanics(the transistors at the heart of modern electronics require quantum theory to function). Global positioning systems wouldn't function without the Theory of Relativity. So much of what we consider the modern world hinges on the work of so many dedicated researchers and scientists. Brave men and women who have pursued the course of truth, even when it flew in the face of their personal convictions. Be it Einstein's belief that the universe was static, which was totally decimated with Hubble's observations that the universe was, in fact, expanding. Or be it Darwin's own grappling with faith as he realized that a creator wasn't needed for life to diversify.

Yet as ignorance of science and technology grows, charlatans would bring forth their own addled brained rantings and label it as “truth”. They peddle this nonsense on any forum that will give them even the slightest bit of attention. They claim that their ravings deserve the same time and recognition, as the work of hundreds and thousands of scientists over the centuries. But they cry foul when asked that they be held to the standards of science and reason. They decry and defame anyone who would speak ill of their flawed and deformed deductions. But they fervently and rabidly attack anything that doesn't adhere to their personal bias of reality.

I wish I could say that places like Conservapedia are few in number or that they were some way at the fringes of society. But the fact of the matter is that as the common understanding of science wanes, places like this flourish. Ignorance is a breeding ground for so much of what erodes our society. But ignorance is a strange thing, as Thomas Paine once wrote, “Ignorance is of a peculiar nature; once dispelled, it is impossible to re-establish it. It is not originally a thing of itself, but is only the absence of knowledge; and though man may be kept ignorant, he cannot be made ignorant”.

When the charlatans bring forth their gimmicks and so called “absolute truths” they perpetuate a willful ignorance. In the vacuum created by this ignorance they are free to demonize and dehumanize anyone they so choose. Anyone that doesn't fit into the scope of their limited world view becomes a target for their unrelenting anger. One can catch a glimpse of the worst of this sort of thinking by simply looking at the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's a good example from Conservapedia, too.

“What's the name for a self-centered, uncharitable person who censors classroom prayer? An atheist. That's why atheists do not build hospitals, and they don't win sports championships like the World Cup either.”

That's a little excerpt from the current main page of Conservapedia. Self-centered and Uncharitable? Really? This is exactly what I mean by dehumanizing and demonizing. Atheists come from all walks of life and have contributed quite a bit to society. Yet, in a few sentences they feel quite comfortable lumping all atheists together and labeling them as worthless. But they don't just have it out for atheists! Let's see a few entries from the Liberal Denial page, shall we?

11. Liberals deny that a woman significantly reduces her risk of breast cancer by having children rather than abortions

12. Liberals deny that about half of promiscuous people carry sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and those STDs cause infertility

13. Liberals deny that the strident promoters of evolution generally have weaker credentials than advocates of intelligent design

. . .

15. Liberals deny that Homosexuality shortens lifespan for a wide variety of reasons

. . .

More generally, liberals also deny:

3. That people like young mass murderers who take atheistic beliefs to their logical conclusions are not "crazy" or "insane", but are true believers.

4. That young mass murderers fit the profile of public school-trained atheism

. . .

8. That state run health care has lead to Islamic terrorism in Britain, and would do so in the US.

While these comments are laughable(they're quite hilarious actually), they go to show the sort of dehumanizing that I mentioned. Once you can reduce someone to a simple label and generalize them, you can start the process of turning them into a monster. By linking atheists to mass murders, they can then start calling them even more horrible things. Then, when someone actually starts persecuting people for not believing in a deity, they don't feel the slightest bit of remorse. After all, they're monsters, and not human, right? The same goes with homosexuals, pro-choice women, or anyone that challenges their narrow-minded beliefs. It's something that we've seen far too much of throughout our history as a species. If we give these people even one iota of credibility, they will do everything they can to demonize their opponents and strip them of their human rights.

I for one will not remain silent to such belligerent brainlessness. My alliterative allusions to their intellectual ineptitude and impotence shall continue!