Another Failed Forecast of the Faithful

It seems that Jesus is always set to return to Earth, on yet another terrestrial vacation, but his plans never seem to come to fruition. Maybe the big J is just a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to starting off the end times. It could also be that, maybe, he doesn't want to be associated with that atrocious and asinine Left Behind series. It might more likely be, very possibly, that Jesus doesn't exist at all and never did. Whatever the reasons, there's no end to failed foretellings of the faithful. But this doesn't seem to bother believers one bit. The date is always at hand, but constantly out of reach(much like the credibility of Intelligent Design).

The failure of past prophecies doesn't seem to deter those potential prophets from setting their own date for the end of days. One of the latest dates for doomsday is May 21, 2011(not to be confused with the pagan doomsday of December 21, 2012), set by those scripturally sage souls at Wecanknow.com. They claim that Noah knew, so they too can know. This claim is a tad bit strange to me, considering that the evidence for the Biblical story of the flood is completely nonexistent. But, how could these sage scholars of the sacred, possibly be wrong, after all, they have the Bible on their side!

Christianity has been preparing for the end of the world, since the very founding of the religion. History is rife with examples of supposed dates for the end of time. As each date passes, Christendom's enthusiasm for Armageddon continues unabated(the utterly horrifying spectacle that it is). Their scholars resume their all consuming work, trying to predict Jesus' next earthly shindig(I so hope they have pizza rolls, those things are delicious). As the torch passes from one believer to the next, the centuries roll by, like the fleeting thoughts of a once sane mind. Meanwhile, the rest of humanity goes on trying to figure out this whole, building a better future and not killing each other jazz. Mostly.

I sometimes find myself wondering, what I would do if Jesus came back(but mostly I'm just thinking of Samantha Carter in assless chaps, hot cha!). I suppose my first thought would be to think of Samantha Carter, after all, fictional characters are popping into existence; it's worth a shot. Then, after that, I'd probably try to make the J-man disappear in a puff of logic à la The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. This would probably be followed by a hasty emigration to Sweden before Pat Robertson could call for my assassination(he does that, you know). There would be much rejoicing and pizza rolls, delicious, delicious pizza rolls.

When this latest date for doomsday comes and passes, I will probably be doing what I usually do; dreaming of my favorite fictional Gate hopping astrophysicist(ohh Sam, how I love you, let me count the ways...). Well, that, or continuing my efforts to build the world's largest Elvis statue out of pop cans(hey, someone's gotta show Touchdown Jesus who's boss).